| On Drugs: Why More is Always Less |
| by Bellamy Edwards | |
 (Continued from Front Page) Just let me explain briefly how it works: Consider that 42.2% of Americans use cannabis (according to figures compiled by the World Health Organisation). Add to this the 16.2% of cocaine users and the percentages of all other drug use, and you’ll find that most Americans might be using drugs and breaking the law at any given time. Now most of these lawbreakers are lazy vagabonds, blackguards and ne’er do wells such as students and the terminally ill. These sorts are caught, tried and put to work in prisons where they are rehabilitated to appreciate the work ethic as well as help to strengthen the economy. Whilst the rest of society, in the unlikely event of being arrested in the first place, can afford good quality legal help to get off Scot free or - in the very worst case scenario – agree to enter a luxury rehab centre as a gesture of compliance. But what happens when you enter a society where drug use is tolerated to the point of little or no legal repercussions? The consequences of such freedoms, for anyone arriving from one of the draconian nations, can be tragic. Before long you could be parading yourself around wearing flip-flops, baggy jeans and a tye-dye t-shirt; shamelessly flaunting your leisurely pursuits with a joint dangling from your mouth as a symbol of your lack of personality or, you may actually find yourself addicted to a particular substance and sell your best cufflinks to buy yourself another hit. I can’t decide which is worse. So here’s some insight on this ‘cesspool of illicit shame’ known as Amsterdam to give you some insider intuition. You may find the information helpful and surprising…  Many Foreigners, when first arriving in Amsterdam, rush straight into the first coffee shop they can find, smoke far too much, collapse all over the floor, then spend the rest of their time here locked up in the hotel, too stoned to leave unless for burgers, potato chips and cakes. I would first advise picking up one of the listings newspapers, check what’s on in the way of entertainments for your stay here such as art exhibits, theatre and clubs, make yourself an itinerary and stick to it. Coffee shops are amusing for approximately the time it takes to smoke your smoke and drink your coffee. Marijuana may enhance your senses from time to time, or give you flashes of artistic insight, but it is by no means the be all and end all. Smoking it everyday shall turn you into a lummox and make you susceptible to popular underground culture - as exemplified by the hoards of dreadlock-sporting whites/pinks you’ll see here. No matter how obsessed you are and no matter how much dope you smoke, you shall never be Jamaican… Babylon! If approached by hippies, politely suggest a haircut and a job before they get a chance to speak. On no accounts listen to anything they say; you don’t want to risk being brainwashed by their self-righteous hippy nonsense. These people are evil and never forget it. So once you’ve selected a pleasant coffee shop (nothing too vulgar or gaudy) make your selection from the hash and weed menu. There ought to be a varied choice and one or two award-winning strains to choose from (you can also buy the seeds of award-winning strains to take home with you. A seed company with the longest history of good genetics and more cannabis cup titles under their belt than any other is ‘Sensi Seeds’ on Oudezijds Achterbrugwal). Bear in mind that tobacco is no longer tolerated in coffee shops which has meant a resurgence of that timeless gentleman’s fashion accessory: The pipe. A pipe will grant any gentleman gravity and style, and cannabis should be legalised for this reason alone. If you prefer not to smoke then order one of the laced cakes for sale but do be careful: If you eat too much there is no way to know until it is too late. Although nobody has ever died from a cannabis overdose you may experience extremities of bad juju. You might have the feeling that demons are trying to suck your soul out through your nose or you are being dragged down into the belly of hell. Your heart may begin to pump as if it shall burst and you may sweat in fear of imminent death. If this happens simply ignore it, keep a stiff upper lip and stick to your itinerary with a sarcastic expression on your face. If you feel like you are about to faint - don’t! It is also worth taking note that although marijuana is tolerated here it is far from legal. Smoking it on the street is forbidden; so don’t get any clichéd ideas about approaching a policeman with your joint for a light. It is likely that you’ll be arrested for buffoonery and unoriginality. Although Marijuana may not be legal, magic mushrooms are. You can buy these from most tourist shops along with clogs, windmill ornaments and fake tulips. This does not mean that they should be taken lightly. They are a powerful hallucinogenic and are about to become illegal because of tourist stupidity. Many people think it is a good idea to take them when they are already drunk and stoned. Some go temporarily insane and smash up their hotel room or call an ambulance (for which they never pay) to come and rescue them from certain death, costing the Dutch taxpayer money. This isn’t just one or two people - the yearly figures are enormous and it is worth noting that not a single Dutch person has ever done either of these things. If you wish to try them, then buy them from a reputable company (such as ‘Conscious Dreams’ on the Warmoe Straat) where they come with a list of instructions. If taken responsibly they can be tremendous fun. If, however, you feel like everything is going horribly wrong and you are having a bad trip - simply make your way to the nearest international newsagents, purchase a copy of The Times or any equivalent newspaper, proceed to the nearest bar, order a stiff drink and spend the next 6 hours speculating over the stock exchange. By the end of this experience you should have your feet firmly back on the ground and perhaps a keen insight into that week’s trading. Do not, on any account, try to fly from a high building or remove your clothing. Both of these actions could have serious ramifications for the future. All other drugs are illegal but, like any other city in the western world, can easily be obtained. The only difference being that possession of them here is not a serious offence, it is only the dealers that the police have a dull view of. Supplying LSD, for instance, is considered treason in some states of the US and even possession can land you more time in prison than a murderer or rapist. Many people assume that LSD and mescaline are enjoyed exclusively by odd, fruity types but this just couldn't be further from the truth. There are many chaps of solid bearing who enjoy kissing the rainbow from time to time and do so without turning into cosmic clowns or creepy cult leaders, as exemplified by Lord Christopher Mayhew in this piece of vintage film. But this doesn't necessarily mean that everybody who take these drugs are a pillar of the community; no sir, Ken Casey and the merry pranksters exemplify this. These were a rowdy bunch of commoners traipsing around America thinking they were being tremendously modern and trying to change the world by acting silly. What an embarrassment they must have all been to their mothers. They even had the audacity to try to obtain an audience with Timothy Leary and Aldous Huxley, in fact: they actually had delusional ideas that Huxley and Leary would join them on their pointless mission to nowhere and Leary's mansion (where Huxley was residing at the time) was the jewel in the crown of their vague crusade. Now Ken Casey, to give him credit, did write ‘One flew over the cuckoo’s nest’ but he was keeping the most boorish company at the time. When their bus pulled up in the driveway, Leary was left no choice. He sent his butler down to tell them all to buggar off! And then I suppose they just tuned out, turned in and dropped off. Like magic mushrooms, LSD and mescaline are powerful hallucinogens and can be heaven but can also be hell. Many people, after taking LSD, are left with a feeling of worthlessness and that their lives are meaningless. This is usually because you are worthless and your life really is meaningless and if you hadn’t worked that out beforehand then there really is no hope for you. LSD is usually taken at festivals and clubs along with ecstasy. After a series of deaths resulting from impurities in ecstasy tablets during the early 90s, many clubs here set up ecstasy testing booths where you can check for poisons in your tablets. But be warned, good quality ecstasy is no guarantee that you won’t dance like a complete tit! Cocaine has been enjoying a huge rise in popularity in most of the western nations. The effects are instantaneous and it is taken by people lacking in confidence or charisma - such as stockbrokers and second-rate movie stars. Whilst riding the high you may think that you are being humorously clever and interesting but please bear in mind that you are neither, so do please give us all a break and shut up! Like all hard drugs cocaine is a fickle mistress. A fleeting kiss of rapture and a blissful moment of joy followed by a slow descent into anguish and torment. Any half educated fool can see it for what it is: a trap! But give it to the dullard and they shall take it again and again. They are suddenly aware that their churlish lives are drab and the drug is the only escape. All that can be done is to let the drug run its course and let the hollow shell of an addict stand as a warning to others. Before long their septum shall disintegrate and they will move onto crack. Doing anything to get another fix whilst the dealers laugh all the way to the bank. But don’t worry, if your world has fallen apart and your life has become unbearable then why not try heroin? I hear it solves all of your problems! But beware, mixing hard drugs can be fatal. You may or may not remember the death of River Phoenix who died from taking a mixture of cocaine and heroine known as a ‘Champagne super nova’. I remember reading about his death in a ‘quotes of 1993’ supplement. The quote was supplied by Andrew Innes – the track-line armed guitarist of the pop band Primal Scream, a band very much at the centre of the drug culture of the 90s - and the quote read simply “lightweight.” If you are invited to a Dutch party don’t think that you being tremendously cool by ostentatiously lighting up a joint or laying down lines of coke on the kitchen table. Perhaps in America you may be viewed as an edgy character and a bit of a rebel but here you shall be viewed more as a caricature on edge and a bit of a plebeian. Holland has the lowest drug use in the western world. There are less than half the amount of marijuana smokers here than in the US and hard drug use, although easy to detect, is almost negligible. Compare 16.2% of cocaine users in the US with just 1.9% in Holland. You may find this difficult to believe because one of the first sights you see in the city centre shall be a crack addict lighting up a pipe. This is because dug addicts are not seen as criminals here. They are viewed as sick people who need help, the problem is not hidden away and the world of drugs is transparent and exposed to public scrutiny. When the wretched state of a drug addict is exposed to the public gaze it works as a better deterrent than any law. I guess that there is much less use of soft drugs here because it’s far more fun when you’re not supposed to be doing it. You don’t have to be a professor to work out the logic here. The figures speak for themselves. The more liberal the policy towards drugs the less people take them. The more you try to stop them the more people want them. Unfortunately common sense rarely wins the day in the world of politics. Instead of the rest of the world adopting Dutch policy the Dutch are being increasingly pressurised into adopting the American Zero-tolerance policies. It is bizarre what is happening here. Dutch people are themselves getting tired of the world’s drug addicts turning up on their doorstep and are following suit instead of pressurising other countries to adopt a policy that works. The red light district is being slowly dismantled, drug addicts are being moved from the centre (where they were easy to monitor) out into the suburbs and drug use shall slowly increase. Our streets shall soon no longer be safe and methamphetamine will begin to make an appearance here too. The future looks bleak. A prison state where we only have drug addicts and gangsters on one side with police and police informants on the other. Can western politicians really be so ignorant or do they have a hidden agenda?
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