|
Mulatto Supremacist Movement Quietly Comes and Goes
by Jack Newcastle
Atlanta, Georgia: ‘We are the best of both worlds,’ fired the Reverend Rondhu Silverstein, his billowing brown and white cassock allowing him to take full command of the room, ‘and it’s time for us, once again, to proudly – proudly - call ourselves mulatto.’
Before the turn of the twentieth century, mulattos – those usually good-natured offspring produced from the union of African-Americans and Caucasians - considered themselves a race unto their own, and for the last six months, the Reverend Silverstein has been busily at work on a manifesto calling not only for governmental recognition of his people but for his people to, if necessary, take up arms in order to secure that recognition.
‘Our history and heritage is unique in that we can lay claim to the accomplishments of black and white. If there is any doubt to our superiority, just look at all we’ve done for humanity. It is we who have invented the telephone, the radio, the P-Funk All-Stars, and the polio vaccine. Tell me, what other race can say that?’
His argument brought a thunderous applause from the some two-hundred plus crowd, followers coming from as far as Toronto to attend this first rally for the World Mulatto Movement, though a few expressed reticence in actually taking to arms.
‘We first heard about the Reverend through the internet,’ said Ed Begley Jr., a non-mulatto and quasi-actor who supports the cause, ‘and we thought, this is something special. This is something we need to be part of. I’m just unsure if violent action is the right methodology.’
The Reverend Silverstein disagrees. ‘We gave the government a chance,’ he said. ‘Only small demands were made: our own check box on forms public and private, for example. Go fill out an employment application anywhere in Atlanta, and they’ll have listed Caucasian, African-American, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, and Eskimo. Eskimo! When was the last time you saw an Eskimo working the Slurpee machine in Atlanta? But they got them on the form and we’re not. So now it’s time for rebellion.’ When asked about his chances for success for government overthrow, the reverend quickly replied, ‘Fifty-fifty.’
For the better part of an hour, Reverend Silverstein held his audience captive, but then just as swiftly as the movement began, it ended.
‘Mulattos,’ he charged, ‘need to keep the race pure. No acts of miscegenation will be tolerated. Mulattos do not mix with blacks. Mulattos do not mix with whites. Mulattos must only marry and procreate with other mulattos.’
And then came a hand, uneasily raised from the audience. It belonged to a Mrs. Shaniqua Antonini of Austin, Texas. ‘But, Reverend,’ said Mrs. Antonini, ‘when two mulattos produce a child, wouldn’t that child technically be a quadroon?’
Taken aback by the question, Reverend Silverstein opened and closed his mouth a few times, gathered up his notes, and announced ‘Thanks for coming.’ A stunned audience filed out of the auditorium in a somewhat dejected manner.
Fifteen minutes later, the Reverend’s wife, Edna, issued a statement on his behalf. ‘My husband has decided it’s not in his best interest to pursue this line of thought and will be busying himself with other projects,’ one of them reportedly being a spec script for How I Met Your Mother.
Trackback(0)
 |
TrackBack URI for this entry
Subscribe to this comment's feed
Show/Hide comments
Show/Hide comment form