You know a lot of people have some funny ideas about Australia. Most cats see it as a rough ’n tumble kinda place like you see in Crocodile Dundee, but, man, it is not like that at all. Sydney is Australia’s largest city with around five million clydes all jockeying for a place to stand, yet it’s still a bit small for the number that live here, so you really get a kinda New York feel with so many people on yer heels. Nevertheless, it’s a town where the sun always shines and so do the women. In fact, it’s so stylish you feel almost naked if you ain’ts wearing a real fine bag of fruit. So hop in my heap - this green 1957 Chrysler Royal – and I’ll take you on a tour of one of the most interesting towns under.
 Now since it’s your first trip here, we’ll be getting to know Sydney on a retro angle, because whatever you want - swing, rockabilly, lounge – it’s all here, baby, and that’s seven days a week. But even before we hit the town, it may be best to head back to my pad to clean you up after the eighteen hour flight that you endured, plus all that time getting through security these days. You’ll have views of Harbour Bridge and the opera house from my penthouse and we won’t be far from all the knockout frolic pads which I’ll make you dig gradually. Once you’re fed and bathed and properly refreshed, I’m sure you’d appreciate a cocktail or two, or three, to rebuild body and soul, and I’ve got the perfect place for a regular Joe like yourself to dip the bill, baby. It’s called The Marble Bar.
A copasetic little frolic pad now situated in the Hilton Hotel, The Marble Bar has been a superb work of art since 1893. The original George Adams Bar, located in the old Adams Hotel, was named after its talented builder who crafted it for the then astronomical sum of 32,000 pounds. When it opened , its decoration was nothing short of breathtaking. Following the ornate traditions of the Italian Renaissance, Corinthian columns with solid bronze capitals, 100 tonnes of the world's best quality marble from Belgian and African quarries, cedar joinery and stained pictorial glass frames were all combined to create an opulent ambience unheard of in the colonies at that time. And, as if this weren’t enough, there were even more delights to come. Cavernous fireplaces inlaid with varicoloured marble were installed, along with elaborate plaster ceilings and 14 superb Edwardian paintings. In 1968, after years of colourful history, the bar received an "A" rating from the National Trust of Australia, and the entire structure was carefully dismantled, refurbished and rebuilt inside the Hilton Sydney. The grand re-opening was in 1973, and over the following decades the bar hosted generations of international visitors and local revelers alike. Yet time again took its toll, and smoke damage, staining, and general wear and tear dulled the gleam of this world-class masterpiece. Restoration of the bar to its former glory has been a labour of love with each hand-crafted column, rejuvenated cedar frame, and perfectly shaped cornice now sparkling with renewed magnificence.
 Hey, looks like we made it for Dom Halpins swinging band called The Suspects. A mainstay of The Marble, they play some cool capital tunes, and of course whenever ya got sounds like that around, there are going to be the dames lookin’ the mez in their best glad rags. But don’t worry yerself about putting the bite on ’em yet. Just relax, dip the bill, and we’ll drift on out real soon. After all, the frolic’s just startin’ and we gotta see Mr. Jimmy Vargas at the BarBroadway.
Located about ten vehicular minutes from The Marble, Bar Broadway’s a great little spot with more chrome than a Cadillac. I used to do a bit of DJ work there, and when you see the gorgeous gals they have pourin’ the drinks (we’ll say hallo to a few I used to date) you’ll wonder why I ever left. And as for Mr. Vargas, he is one interesting cat I’m sure you’ll agree, because he’s been running retro scatters for twenty odd years, and he knows everyone and everything. He’ll be playing with his band The Black Dahlia’s later, serving up a nice mesh of dark jazz or cocktail noir if you like, and, after the set, I’ll see if he’s got any records fer you to glom and take home.
All right, all right. I know there are too many dames here you want to banter with, but we really gotta get ourselves to The Marquee Club now if we’re going to catch Wes Pudsey and the Sonic Aces.
 Wes, a buddy of mine for some fifteen years now, has been putting out some great rockabilly, but he also heads up a swingin’ combo called the Hollywood Hombres who play jump jive numbers. They don’t play that often but if yer lucky we might catch ’em while you are here. And what else can a cat like Wes be but the best-dressed one in Sydney? He buys heaps of vintage clothing, so he is “the guy” to find out where to glom the good stuff, though I can tell you right now he’s going to send you directly down to an inner city suburb called Newtown which is the best place to pick up that kinda stuff – nice, original clothes from the forties to the sixties, and you don’t have to spend all your green stuff to look money. And if you can’t find exactly what you want down in Newtown, well, Wes has a great tailor called Mario who can make you anything in a perfect vintage style, always using the very best material.
Well, it looks like we have just enough time to stop at Double Bay Woodfire Cabaret Restaurant to see Janet Siedel. She wowed the packed audience at The Orpheum Cinema in Cremorne when she did her Doris Day Show prior to the Tea For Two movie and now this local Sydney and internationally acclaimed artist has returned to The Woodfire with a sensational new show, The Very Best of Cole Porter. It features Janet on piano and vocals, brother David on double-bass, and brilliant jazz guitarist, Chuck Morgan. Janet returns regularly to the Woodfire due to the great demand, but methinks she loves the intimate atmosphere the venue creates. You will hear such classics as Just One of Those Things, Begin The Beguine, You do Something to Me, I Love Paris, and many, many more. Man that canary can knock ’em out.
Speakin’ of knocked out, that’s exactly how this lil black duck is feelin’. How abouts we head back to my castle in the air, cool down with a cigar and sherry and catch some ZZZ’s cos we got another big retro day ahead of us? For now, enjoy yer drink and I’ll take you out for breakfast on the harbour!
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